How many more days?
July 3, 2008
“How many more days until my birthday?” ~ Kimberly
Me in my ever annoyed voice since this is a daily question, “at least 100 more days.”
Then it hit me like a ton of brick. It will be more than a hundred days until I hold my son in my arms.
Tomorrow marks 10 months on this journey and 17 weeks waiting for a referral, and still there is time to wait. I think about it and I think about what will happen in the intervening time, I know that I will be busy and not notice it so much, but then to hear it quantified as more than 100 days, UGH! Thankfully I was driving to swim lessons and the kids didn’t see the tear roll down my face.
“Mom when Baby Brother gets here we will be 6 and six is perfect.” ~ Kimberly
*sigh* “I couldn’t agree more.” ~ Mommy
Said to me on the way home from swim lessons. At least I don’t feel so bad thinking about him all the time, seems like other people must be too.
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Moving forward
July 2, 2008
There were no referrals offered today.
I am doing well with this information. Several days ago I felt very calm and at peace. Of course, I would have rather had him home yesterday but I know this is the plan for him and us.
So we are moving forward and looking forward to bringing him home in the fall. We certainly will miss having him home sooner but we can wait.
July will be a nice relaxing month for us, just swimming lessons and hanging out. It will be nice to continue to teach the girls to read and to continue to play board games. We won’t have any serious demands on us so we will take it easy and calm.
In August we have to start preparing for Annie and Kimberly to go to preschool. This is going to provide for a couple of nice mornings for Mimi and I. Finally I will be doing the mom with one kid thing. 
It will be hard to be away from them but I know they need that time to grow and mature so I will let them go and mature.
In September it will be more of the same and I am sure we would have a referral by then. If we do, we can work on getting everything ready for his homecoming. That will be an exciting time, depending on his age we will be moving things around.
October brings Kimberly and Annie’s 5th Birthday! I just cannot believe we are that close to them being 5!!! We hopefully will have a court date and finally become the parents of our son and then make travel arrangements to pick him up. Hopefully those arrangements will fall after their birthdays or in the 12 day span in between. I certainly would like to be home for their birthdays but I would want to have our son in my arms as well so we will see what comes. I am certainly not going to worry about it now.
Life keeps going even though we wished it had gone a different route. We are thankful for the blessings of our full life, it has been such an amazing adventure and we know the coming months will bring more adventure.
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We Love Lucy
July 1, 2008
The kids really adore Lucy. I think the previous picture showed Kimberly’s admiration well and so I have to include pics of the other two with her.
Here is Mimi getting loved on by Lucy.
Here is Annie hugging on Lucy. If you look closely you can see that she is basically forcing Lucy to look for the picture of the two of them.
She is adjusting well to our busy house. She still has things she needs to work on, but who of us doesn’t. The kids are so cute about her and take her care very seriously. They love to go out and “train” her.
I am so glad that we brought her into our family. She is a welcome addition.
That brings us to 2 dogs, 2 cats, 1 guinea pig, 6 fish, 3 daughters and 2 parents. Just one more person to make our family complete. 
Hopefully we get a referral for him soon.
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Lucy
June 29, 2008
She is a four month old blue standard poodle and a new addition to the Brown home.
Bill loves bigger dogs and while Penny is super cute and sweet she isn’t the big, fun loving, playing dog Bill or the kids really like. We began looking for one a while back and finally saw some in the paper that were reasonably priced and looked good. We went to look at her on Saturday and fell in love. Due to a birthday party and fireworks we opted to pick her up this morning so that we could be home with her for her first day. She did really well.
Here she is with Kimberly!
Of course Lucy was not used to the general movement of our home and so she didn’t play at all with toys today. I am sure as the days pass she will get more acclimated and a little more spunky. Currently she is super duper afraid of Peach, the cat.
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Monster-Free Zone
June 28, 2008
“We could go to Chuck E. Cheese’s tonight. Anyone could go there … girls, Dads. *long pause* But not monsters.” — Annie
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The Roller Coaster continues
June 27, 2008
I generally do not get religious on the blog, I keep this journal as a place for my thoughts on raising my kids, and while I offer up prayers throughout the day to get me through that I don’t openly discuss it here. Today I feel it is time to call on all the prayer warriors who read this blog. We need a miracle, well maybe not need but we certainly would like one.
We have been notified today that the last day possible is next Wed, July 2nd. When I first read that my heart did a flip flop. Yeah, I wanted a glimmer of hope, but when you open yourself up to that kind of hope you can get hurt.
I feel that the Lord can bring us our son before the clock strikes midnight. I pray that there will be more referrals for all those waiting. That they will not be apart from their children for more time than is necessary. It is my hope and prayer that we would be one of those as well.
I will continue to walk in faith through this experience.
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord. Jeremiah 17:7
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Sisterly, Either Way
“I just gave Kimberly the Roger Rabbit spoon because I was being nice.” — Annie
“It’s called being ’sweet’.” — Kimberly
Interchange at the breakfast table
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Swim class advance
June 26, 2008
Today was the last day of swim class for the kids in their current levels. Next week they all move up a level. They are a little excited and a little worried. I think it will be good for them.
For a celebration the teachers allowed them to go down the slide today. Course they were all a little afraid and went with their teachers.
Kimberly and Ms. Marie
Annie and Ms. Marie
Mimi with Ms. Ally
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Good and bad news
Today was an emotional day.
As you all know we are on this journey to adopt our son. I know he is alive and my arms ache to hold him and my eyes yearn to look into his. Those things make this journey a very emotional one.
Today 5 referrals were made. I am so excited for the families that received the referrals today. Our agency has been referring a lot of children lately and that is nice to see. One of the children was offered to a family whose dossier arrived in Ethiopia the EXACT day as mine. If there had been another boy to refer he most likely would have be given to us. I just cannot imagine! Of course that emotional high is met with an even greater emotional low. This batch of referrals was most likely the last group to get through court before the closure.
So the good news of today is that 4 families saw their babies and most likely we are next. The bad news of today is that means we will have to wait through the court closure while our son lives in an orphanage and bonds to his nanny and we go on here.
Thank you all for reading and listening.
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Following the rules
June 24, 2008
“There is no ‘V’ Mom!” ~ Kimberly
Annie and Kimberly have been learning to read for some time. They can blend 3 letter CVC (consonant-vowel-consonant) words with ease and have started to branch out. They love to read the BOB books and have good success with them.
Kimberly has long since been a child who loves rules. She cannot stand the sight words (words that cannot be sounded out, you must just know them) and resists them at every turn. I have never taught a child to read who feels this passionately about them. (BTW for those new to the blog I used to teach K-3 so I have taught plenty of children how to read.) She was reading a book today that used the word “the” often and each time she came to it she would sound it out. I would remind her, “no this is one of those words you just have to know.” She turns to me and tells me in a very exasperated tone, “There is no ‘V’ Mom!” Somehow in her mind she hears “the” as “va.” No big deal but still: how can she be so resistant!
This child is so strong willed that even the notion that words don’t follow the rules makes her push back. There are going to be a lot of long years ahead with her.
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Bitty Baby’s quilt
June 23, 2008
I finished Bitty Baby’s quilt. I did machine quilting and used fusible batting. 
Here is the backside. 
I am pleased with how it came out. I want to get it washed to see how the fusible batting releases.
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The Very Hungry Caterpillar
I have the quilt top done. I still need to put a border around it, but I thought I would share it.
I also did a fun little doll quilt for Bitty Baby.
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Mimi pumps!!!
June 22, 2008
Today while Grammy and Papa were over visiting Mimi pumped herself on the swing! Everyone was so proud of her. You can see Cousin Wyatt pumping along with her. She is very happy to be like the big kids.
Sorry the video is tilted to the side. I never remember to turn it.
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Reason #243 why I love summer
Because the kids are wearing bathing suits all the time the laundry is way down. I just finished the laundry for the week and rather than the normal 10 loads it was just 5 loads!!!!! WOOOHOOO
*No I don’t really have a list but I do love summer a whole lot and there could be 242 other reasons why.
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My absence
June 21, 2008
I am a pretty avid blog writer and I value the information I have put into this project so much. All my childrens histories are packed into the wonderful space where it is all catalogued and saved perfectly. I can search this site and find anything I want to recall, and since I always wrote straight from my heart I am met with an entry that reminds me of all the details I may be forgetting. When I am on a break from the blog my astute readers know that either two things are happening; either I am very very busy or I am just distressed. Unfortunately right now it is the latter.
This blog only began during our second pregnancy which was a pregnancy that was rocky but in the end it produced Annie. If this blog had started before that you would have seen a completely different Sandi. One who struggled to understand her infertility. One who was upset each month when nothing seemed to be working. One who, even when she did get pregnant, lost the pregnancy in the second trimester when you are supposed to be “safe.” There would have been huge gaps in my postings then because when those things happened to me I shut down. I did all the things I had to do in life but outside of that I didn’t do much. It was how I coped and how I still cope with things.
Nothing that terrible has happened to me as of late but something has happened. It is not the end of the world and I know the months will pass quickly, but we will most likely miss the court date cut off. It would take a near miracle to get us a referral and get us through. (Mind you I know that God can perform this sort of thing but I also know I have used up a lot of miracles to get my family here, I may be over my quota. ) This has got me down. When we began this process there were not as many in the program and things were moving along well and we were expected to be done by now. Of course we are not and we still sit here.
There is nothing I wouldn’t go through to be with my son in the end. Of course I am reminded of the line from Aladdin:
Blue Genie: [about Jafar] Don’t worry, Abu. He’s a genie, and genies can’t kill anyone.
[Jafar's hands turn into dragons and spray fire all over Genie and Abu]
Blue Genie: [wheezing] But you’d be surprised what you can live through.
Of course I will wait as long as it takes. He is my son and I will be here for him when the time is right.
I know it will happen when it is supposed to. I know that from life experience. If I had carried Elizabeth to term and she would have been alive, I would not have had Annie, the child I was destined to parent. I know the perfect boy is being picked out for us to make our family whole and when the time is right he will be referred to us. We cannot help but be anxious or upset when things don’t work out the way we like. I never once was okay with Elizabeth’s passing. Even now that I know that is how it was supposed to be I struggle with the why of it all.
I am sad and I am upset and I am taking care of me. I don’t need cheering up, I am a firm believer in feeling the moment and not disguising it. I am already working on acceptance and becoming lighter again. I will bounce back and I won’t be in a funk for long. My life has been a huge rollercoaster of emotions and I have much experience in moving forward. If you feel led to do something for me, you can pray for me or pray for my son that wherever he is on this Earth that he is being held by loving hands.
I know that he will be in my arms by the end of this year. I have faith that this process is working and that my son will be revealed to me at the right time.
Thank you to all my dear friends and readers who have been with me through the past 5 years. I promise I will be back to my daily posts soon. A huge thank you to my family who is always there to let me work through things. I am not a perfect person and this kind of processing is not how others do things but it works for me so I will stick with it.
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Case me a memory
“I am going to case this for Daddy.” ~ Kimberly
“Don’t drink all the soda, case me some!” ~ Annie
“Can we case this milk?” ~ Mimi
For some reason our kids always substitute the word case in for save. They do it all the time and it is funny. We have tried to explain it to them countless times. We have pronounced s-a-v-e slowly for them and even written it out for the 2 who can read, and still they do it their way.
At this point I am sure they know the real word they just love to have their own special language. Of course Annie and Kimberly taught Mimi the wrong word and I am sure they will do the same with baby brother.
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A Sneak Peek
June 17, 2008
I finally figured out the direction I wanted to go with the coveted Very Hungry Caterpillar fabric.
Here is the first night’s progress.
I absolutely love how it is coming out!!!
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Session 2 of Swim
June 16, 2008
Today session two of swim began. The girls are continuing at their previous level to improve on their skills. Mimi has Ms. Ally this time and Annie and Kimberly have Ms. Marie. They really like their teachers and I am sure they will blossom more in the coming weeks.
Here is a picture from last Thursday with their certificates from Session 1. Kimberly was her ever competitive self and counting how many 3’s, mastery level, she had. For the record she had the exact same number as Annie in case she tries to tell you otherwise.
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Good Deeds
June 15, 2008
What a special surprise I came to find today.
I was busy doing laundry and other house chores and I set the towels and washcloths on the couch to fold when I had a moment. While I was busy putting in the next load Kimberly folded them all perfectly and put them in the drawer. She is so sweet! Just another example of why we always say she is ready to take over for me.
BTW they all don’t fit in that drawer normally.
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My Day
Some have contended that every day is Father’s Day. That may be, but today was Father’s Day (Observed) and it was a great day. All week, The Girls have been eager to give me my gifts and make me the meals they had picked out. As always, I too was excited but I’m perfectly happy waiting—it’s a trait that I’ve only developed with age: Young Bill bought many Macintosh computers on the day they were announced and generally always got the latest and greatest.
Madeline got me some blue, striped boxers that I desperately needed—I don’t buy underwear except through attrition and lately I’ve been attriting. Annie bought me a diving mask, which I made great use of in the pool today. Kimberly got me a jumbo box of Nerds™ candy, which she knows is my favorite kind. (Yes, I know I am what I eat. Don’t bother: I thought of that one years and years ago.) And Sandi, in utter defiance of my wishes to not buy me a thing, got me exactly what I would have wanted: Wii Fit. When I heard how much trouble she went through to get it, I again wished she hadn’t. But I must admit that I’m glad that she did.
Each of The Girls picked out a particular meal for me and then helped Sandi prepare them. Kimberly did breakfast and decided on cinnamon rolls. Annie did lunch and picked out Jeno’s® Pizza Rolls™, which really could have gone for either breakfast or lunch. Madeline helped with a dinner of corn, oven fries (yum!), and mushroom burgers made just the way I always had them in childhood: on plain, white bread soggy with grease and falling apart. It sounds gross (and it kind of is) but there’s something to be said for remembering your childhood favorites.
Aside from all of the nice things they did for me, today was great because they said I could do whatever I wanted. Most weekend days are spent doing lots of things and trying to accomplish all of the errands and tasks that couldn’t get done during the week. What I most wanted to do today was to just hang out and spend time with my family. So we swam without me thinking about the clock, we played Wii Fit off and on, and we cleaned up the house some. For me, that’s a perfect day!
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