Paul goes to the Mommy & Me tumbling class. He was afraid of the teacher the first day. The second class he was afraid but got over it very quickly. It is times like this that I am reminded how much has changed in Paul’s life. He is still leery of strangers and doesn’t want them touching him until he trusts them. He loves to play and calls his coach Mikey his friend. It is so cute! They give out stamps at the end of class. Because of his very dark skin his stamp never shows up—only a circle of ink can be seen. Thankfully he loves his circle stamp.

Mimi LOVES gymnastics. She had wanted to join dance class again but they are not taking students right now because it is so close to recital time. She hopes to join in the summer or fall. She lucked out and got in a class that only has 4 girls enrolled. Today there were only 2 present. It is almost like private lessons at class prices! Woot! This is very good for Mimi. She still gets leery of lots of people and confusing situations. I am proud of how much she is trying to do everything she is asked. Here she is on the balance beam with her coach.

Kimberly loves being in gymnastics. She is very competitive and really enjoys learning and practicing all the things they show her. Each week she looks forward to her lesson. I know she is going to do well. Kimberly is the one in the purple pants on the balance beam. (These photos are from her trial class and we hadn’t bought leotards until we decided if they wanted to do it.)

Annie is really enjoying gymnastics. She is strong and it is good to watch her try to get her body to do the things she wants it to. She tends to be uncoordinated like her father. She continues to try hard and gets it. Everyday Annie makes me feel her arm muscles. Someday soon she is going to be as strong as she desires. (Annie is the one in pink waiting her turn on the bar.)

Boy! Annie and Kimberly have changed a lot since they first went to gymnastics.

The first item we have is the babyhawk. This was used for a year after Paul came home. It is in very good condition. It has one small stain on the strap that goes around the waist, otherwise it is in perfect condition.

The front:

The back:

The tag:

The stain:

Paul is still small enough to be carried in this but he doesn’t like it anymore. Since he turned two he pretty much refuses and thinks it is a punishment to be carried in the carrier.
You can see Madeline (3 years old at the time) in it here.

The babyhawk is listed at the yard sale for $70. Let me know if you are interested.

The second item in the yard sale is my Palm Centro. I recently upgraded to an iPhone and no longer need it. It is a Sprint phone and has a couple of small cracks around the buttons (this does not effect the use of the phone). It is worn from normal use. [UPDATE (3/8/2010): SOLD!]

The Palm Centro is listed at the yard sale for $50. SOLD! Let me know if you are interested or have any further questions regarding this item.

Looking over this list there are some pretty impressive blogs listed. I am humbled and honored to be among them.

We were waiting patiently at the bowling alley to inquire about getting a lane. The lady behind the counter was helping a gentleman while another customer stood down the counter from us. I don’t know how long she had been standing there. It seemed like she had been helped already and was waiting to ask a question or get more assistance. The employee finished with the gentleman and started to help us as we were next in line.

The customer that had been waiting exploded. Evidently, she was waiting for bumpers to be raised on her lane and it had taken too long. She harangued the employee who then leisurely took care of her. When it came to be our turn again, she apologized for the other customer and I cheerily said that it wasn’t a problem. I asked for a bumper for our lane and she had it taken care of before we even got over there. Something tells me that the irate customer had been difficult in the initial interaction as well.

The next episode occurred because Annie and Madeline wanted mayonnaise for their fries. We let them go together and continued eating. After awhile, Sandi suggested that I check to make sure everything was alright. I looked over and saw them get passed over by the employee at the counter. They were kind of small at the counter and the employee probably thought they were with the previous customer. They just stood there waiting patiently. Sandi told me that they were too polite and went over to remind them that they should speak up to get helped. They did so and came back quickly.

The contrast struck me. I am proud that my girls are so patient and polite. The bowling alley customer’s children will likely be just like her because they have seen (and will likely always see) outbursts like that. Life is too short to live like that: it’s not worth the mental grief to worry about someone being taken out of turn.

There is an emotional attachment we have to people around us. People who we see everyday impact our lives and people we have only seen once. They all make up the patchwork pieces of our life. When I was going through infertility and adoption woes I was an emotional wreck. Never was there something that I wanted so badly that I couldn’t acheive through hard work.

It wasn’t until I finally had Annie and Kimberly in my life that I realized that I wasn’t the only one who’s heart was attached to this happy ending. Everyone around me prayed, hoped and waited for the day that this would be my reality. A blogging buddy made a wonderful post about this and how the people literally cheered when she showed them her son. Nobody around me cheered when my girls were in my arms, but everyone smiled. They smiled deep heartfelt smiles as though peace was brought to them, as well as to me. It was then that I really understood that they were there with me the entire time. Each time a ultrasound showed a still heart, their heart ached. Every single hard step that was made, they were there. I was so wrapped up in my despair that I didn’t see them and their pain. There is nothing in my life that has ever made me feel so alone and yet I wasn’t alone. The waits for Mimi and Paul were so much easier with the knowledge that everyone was there holding me up when I felt I might fall.

I can’t imagine my journey without all the love and support of family and friends. I cannot imagine going through all of this alone. I think that the agency is completely wrong on this one. The only thing that helps to make the wait easy is family and friends. Sure it stings a little when another person asks you how much longer, but the sting is there anyhow, whether or not they asked.

So to all those people who are still on their journeys through infertility or adoption don’t think you have to hide the road you are on. It feels so hard and it seems like you will never get through it, but you will and when you do you will be so greatful for all those who had a hand in your life story. Life is emotional and the things that carry the most emotion are the things that mean the most.

The kids know I am a list woman and they know where to reach me. Love that! I also love her revisions to her sentiment. Today I did my chores with a little extra love from my Annirific. She warms my heart in ways I could never have imagined possible.

I am also pleased to announce that Kimberly Brown is the new President. We don’t hold elections or anything; the presidency is determined by who is brave (or foolhardy) enough to be the first in the water. She distinguished herself further by jumping in over and over.

I’m hoping that her administration can finally achieve the feat that has thus far eluded me: recruitment of the lone Brown family holdout. She is very persuasive, but it’s the biggest challenge any Brown could face.

(Pictures and video are forthcoming.)

I thought about my children and the impact this might have on them and I was overwhelmed with positive thoughts. I believe that this will show them the great value I place on life. I know if I, or anyone I loved, were the ones needing bone marrow I would want someone else to make this small sacrifice.

This is something I can do easily. My body hasn’t always been there for me when I needed it. It didn’t do things that normal bodies did, but it can do this. And someday it might be the match for someone and make a world of difference for them.

I know this isn’t for everybody, but I know this is for me.

We gathered our ingredients and started to mix them in the pan. Once we poured the ingredients in the pan the girls thought we needed to add more flour. I told them that as we cooked and stirred the mixture it would turn into playdough. They were skeptical but excited to see it.

Each girl made their own batch. Kimberly made purple, Annie made pink and Mimi made green that was scented of mint. Annie thought it was a wonderful experiment, Kimmie thought it was magic and Mimi thought it was awesome. (Their thoughts on this showcase their personalities.)

We all had a great time playing with the dough all afternoon.

Here is the recipe for those who would like to have their own fun!
1 cup flour
½ cup salt
2 tsp. cream of tartar
1 tsp. oil
1 cup water
food coloring

Mix in a teflon pan and cook over low heat until it forms a ball and mixture is not sticky. Store in an airtight container.

That is us on the day Paul was born half a world away. So going to the snow again was exciting. This time we would bring Paul and it would be his first experience.

We had such fun!

Early on in the week they were predicting snow up North so we decided to book a hotel room for the long weekend. We drove up on Sunday morning. As soon as Paul saw the snow out the car windows he said, “Santa Santa ho ho ho” over and over. I guess the only time he has really seen snow has been in Santa/Christmas tv shows. It was so cute. The Girls really got a thrill as we drove into Flagstaff.

We checked into our hotel room and got dressed for the snow.

Paul loved eating the snow. It was his favorite thing. He liked sledding but he loved eating snow.

This is the face he showed me each time I tried to tell him that it wasn’t the best idea to eat the snow.

Madeline was so young the last time we went to the snow, combine that with her breathing issues left over from RSV and she wasn’t able to enjoy the snow as much as the older kids. She loved the snow this time. She loved sledding by herself and she would run the hill as soon as she got down. She made a snow angel and was able to play hard the entire time we were out. She was a pro at making snow balls and throwing them at our family

Annie loves snow. She loves to eat it, this trip she even crawled around on her knees to eat it like a dog. Sledding is fun for Annie. It isn’t hard to see her enthusiasm for it. She goes whole hog into most things and snow is no different. She threw snowballs at us whenever she could. Annie had a great time in the snow. It was a lot of fun to watch her enjoy it.

Kimberly had been predicting all week that there would be snow this weekend. She was right. She loved playing in the snow. With Kimberly you always know she has a list to check off when we go somewhere. She wanted to make a snow angel . . . check. She wanted to build a snowman . . . check.

She wanted to sled . . . check. She wanted to have a snowball fight . . . check. Sadly she didn’t love this one so much when Daddy accidentally hit a snowball to her face. Sled with Paul because as she says “he is just so cute” . . . check. She also came up with the idea to toboggan down on her stomach like penguins do. She would waddle around and then slide down.

We went back to the hotel and changed for dinner. The kids had really worked up an appetite and ate all their dinner and more. We finished dinner and went back to the hotel to cozy up for the night.

This was the first time we tried the Girls in the queen bed. It was an experience. They are not used to sleeping with people, at least not to fall asleep, and it was a bumpy night.

All in all it was wonderful! We had fun and can’t wait until the next time we go. For now we will enjoy our nice warm home and be thankful we don’t have to deal with snow all the time.

She was so determined that she could do it on her own. She was very wobbly and I held on for a while.

I eventually let go and she crashed about 10 times. She didn’t suffer many injuries and wanted to keep going. We had been trying to do it on the sidewalk but it was hard for her to steer very well so I decided we should try it on the street. Once we did this she took off!

I was surpised how hard it was for me to let go of her. I joked with one neighbor that I should have reserved a room at the ER before taking her out. Seriously though, there isn’t much Annie is afraid of and she will try anything. She is an amazing child! She just tried today and is very good at it. I am sure it is clear from this photo that she was as proud of herself as I was!

Here is some video of her riding. I know, I know, I always turn the camera to the side when I take video. If you watch it you may have to turn your monitor. I love her WOOOHOOO when she rides off and I also love the end where Kimmie asks how she learned so quick.

As I reflect on my resolutions from last year I can see how much growth I personally have achieved.

Our family is so much more organized than it was last year. Things move pretty smoothly around here and that makes a huge difference. There is still plenty of room for improvement and I intend to keep working on this one.

I have continued to strive to keep things simple in our lives. I have been more positive in my parenting and in my relationship with Bill. I still need to continue to work on this because this is something that I certainly slip up on.

I learned to cook more this year. I tried some amazing recipes and loved them. I didn’t end up buying a new cookbook each month. I found that it took me much longer to get through recipes in each book and that many cookbooks lack different recipes. I will continue to try to learn how to make bread. Last year I tried a couple of times but did not master it. I have a couple new recipes I am going to try and hopefully something good will come of it all.

My resolutions for 2010 are as follows:

1. Continue to lose weight. I lost 18 pounds in 2009 and I intend to continue this trend. Hopefully in 2010 I will reach my goal weight.

2. Keep my kitchen and bedroom clean. There aren’t many places in this house that I have full control over except those areas. My kids are too young to really make a mess in my kitchen and I have made new rules that they are not to play in my bedroom. I know that this won’t be easy but I also know that this little bit helps tame the chaos around me, at least in my mind.

3. Learn to bake bread.

4. Continue to get organized. I believe one of the biggest reasons my house is always so cluttered is because everything doesn’t have a place so it just get set out. I need to find places for things or get rid of them.

Thank you to everyone who has read this blog in 2009. Your comments and emails offering advice or support have blessed our life. I wish each of you a Happy New Year full of love and fun.

Each morning last week I was woken up by the sweet face of Annie telling me how many more days until Christmas. Her excitement and enthusiasm for the holiday was so special. She called Grammy each day and kept her up to date on the countdown as well. Annie was so anxious and yet so focused. She wrote a sweet letter to Santa letting him know that some don’t believe in him but she does.

Kimberly loved preparing for the big day. She was often in the kitchen helping me prepare another batch of sweets. She loved wrapping presents and did such a great job. One of the simplest pleasures of this holiday season came from her wrapping her own gifts. The largest box has rollerblades in it and was quite the huge box to wrap. I love how she figured it out. I think that this photo will always be one of my favorites.

Madeline loved Christmas baking, singing and jolly old fashioned fun. She loved to sing Santa on the Rooftop as loudly and proudly as she can. It was fun to spend this last week with her preparing for the holiday.

Paul was totally into the holiday this year. He LOVED Santa and would often put on a Santa hat and say “Santa Santa HO HO HO!” It melted my heart each time I heard him say this. He has the sweetest most delicate voice and yet he is so mature. I tried to get video of it several times but each time he would stop. I finally gave up and asked him to say it. Here is what happened:

Untitled from Cassandra Brown on Vimeo.

The morning of Christmas Eve my Aunt Christina came over to show me how to make baccala. The tradition of my family is to dip it in a batter and fry it. I have fond memory of enjoying it as a girl and I still enjoy it. I think Dad and I ate the entire pound we made. It was tasty. I am so thankful to her for taking that time to bake and show me how her mother, my grandmother, did things.

Christmas Eve we spent at Grammy’s house. The kids had a great time playing together.

We had a fun night and the kids enjoyed the treats in their stockings from Grammy and Papa.

We went home and set out the reindeer food and carrots on the front walkway for the reindeer. Cookies and milk were placed out for Santa to enjoy on his visit along with letters from Annie and Kimberly. Annie’s excitement kept her up until 9:30 that night and Santa got a little worried he would have to circle the house for a while. Finally all the children were in their bed and fast asleep and Santa came!

The kids were so excited with what they found.

Madeline cared for Baby Alive all day. She was such a doting Mother. She fed her about 10 times and changed a million diapers. She loved the baby canopy bed she received from Grammy and Papa. It is no joke when I say she was constantly caring for the doll. It was so sweet and adorable.

Paul skated away on his scooter within moments and loved all the choo choo trains he received.

Kimberly made playdoh food for anyone and everyone around. She loved the Pet Shop house and played for hours with it. I am pretty sure she is going to be a lot more accurate with her list last year. While she loves her Baby Alive, especially after I told her that it was just like mine, she liked the fact that Mimi’s talked and was more responsive.

Annie played with every single toy that was opened up on Christmas. She literally flitted from one thing to another. Spending plenty of time with her Zhu Zhu named Nacho. (Long time readers and friends may remember that this was the guinea pigs name that we had several years back.) Then playing with her vanity. Taking turns being Aunt to Kimmie and Mimi’s Baby Alive dolls. Playing trains with Paul, Pet Shop with Kimmie, playdoh for a bit, and putting on makeup at her vanity.

It was a beautiful day. The time with family and friends was amazing. The children were on good behavior, they were grateful and thankful for the blessings they received. Merry Christmas to all my readers. I pray that the blessings of your life shine through this holiday as always.

For those who want to see more photos of our day, hop on over to flickr and check them out.

The kids had fun playing. They would stop by to see if there was anything they could do or anything they could eat. Mimi helped me dip the oreo balls and sprinkle them with oreo.

Kimberly and Daddy worked on the spritz decorations. Paul and Annie had to stop by too. If there are sprinkles to sprinkle Paul is always near.

The white trash was measured by Papa and Mimi. Then Mom and I melted the chocolate and mixed it in. It was spread out and people began munching soon thereafter. The trash, as the girls call it, is always a big hit. They love to ask for trash to eat.

We have a couple more things to work on and then we will be ready to package it up and share it with neighbors and friends. That is, of course, if we don’t eat it all before then.

While we were gone Grammy and Papa came over and took care of the kids. I asked Grammy to write up a blog about her experience, here are her words:

Last night we had the time of our lives. When the parents are way the
children will play.

I had a wonderful time making dinner with Mimi. She helped on the rice and potatoes. I helped Kimmie make cream puffs dipped in melted chocolate for desert.

We played the grinch singing game and then got ready for bed (papa in his sock monkey pants, which the Girls loved) and away we went to bed at 7:30. We all piled in mom & dads bed to watch The Grinch movie and there we stayed until 9:30.

It was a fun night had by all hope to do it again soon.

So glad the kids and Grandparents had fun!

I love it that they are so into the holidays. We were sitting there singing Christmas carols and sipping hot cocoa. It was a great evening.

For those wondering where Paul was he was in his bed sleeping. His bedtime is before the parade even began and he doesn’t do late nights well.

I went to the audiologist today and there is significant hearing loss in the left ear compared to the right. The hearing loss is just in the range of moderately severe though I can certainly hear plenty in it still.

He believes it is most likely Minear’s Disease even though I don’t have vertigo or dizziness. He has put me on a high salt diet for the next couple of days and I am to report back to him if the hearing gets worse stays the same.

Meniere’s disease – is a problem involving fluid pressure within the cochlea. It causes the sufferer to experience intermittent episodes of hearing loss, dizziness, and tinnitus. These episodes can occur anytime and for varying amounts of time. They are often associated with stress.

If the salt is not the issue I would have to go in for MRI to rule out a tumor. I am staying positive and hopeful that this is nothing serious.

Here is the picture that was almost the one chosen for the cards, in fact it is Bill’s favorite.

And this one, just because it makes me giggle.

I will wait to share the one that was included in the Christmas card until the actual cards have been received.

Annie:
1st Christmas: Giraffe cookie and baby bib with picture
2nd Christmas: Curious George
3rd Christmas: Red bird
4th Christmas: horse with teddy bear
5th Christmas: White cat
6th Christmas: Animals in the house
7th Christmas: Barbie 3 Musketeer

Mimi:
1st Christmas: Snowbaby in envelope and mobile with picture
2nd Christmas: teddy in the box
3rd Christmas: Santa in a car
4th Christmas: Hippopotamus for Christmas
5th Christmas: Christmas Tree Bear

Paul:
1st Christmas: Number one cookie with bear
2nd Christmas: Train