It looks as though I am driving right for the end of the rainbow. Never saw anything so neat and never felt so much like a leprechaun.

There was a time when I could just pick up and go. With four kids I can barely go to Walmart spontaneously. I have plenty of demands on me, and then working the kids schedules into the equation makes it even more difficult.

This Spring Break I am going to give being spontaneous a go. (Laughing so hard I might fall off the couch here!!!!) I am going to plan to be spontaneous, how ridiculous is that, but is the best I can do. We will leave our house one day during the break and not return for several days. I am thinking about traveling around AZ some, but maybe we will go nuts and end up in another state.

So that’s the plan. Going to try to be spontaneous sometime over spring break and see where it leads me/us.

The book is The Body Scoop for Girls.

I could definitely see placing this book in my Girl’s hands at some point. It is chock full of information that teens are generally apprehensive about asking about. The Doctor is straight forward and the jargon used is easy to understand. It covers how your body changes and what is or is not normal. It talks about sex and gives practical advice.

I will definitely add this to my family library and use it once we hit puberty, which God help us, is going to happen sooner than we can imagine!

This past week I had a drag through the mud kind of week. Bill has put in millions of hours at work this week (maybe not millions but certainly more than 60) and that means that a lot more things fall on my shoulders.

I tend to be a very strong woman but, I too, can be beat down. I hate to feel this way. I HATE weakness. I really do. I cannot stand it in others and loathe when I see it in myself. I want to stand strong all the time, but the bottom line is that I am human and, like everyone else, I have a threshold.

There are so many wonderful experiences that a stay at home Mom gets to have with her children. You are there the first time they take a step, or the day they learn to ride their bike. You can soothe their first injuries and care for them in the way that only a mother can. However, nobody talks about the other side of that coin. You are the one that HAS TO do all those things. Some weeks it is hard to see the beauty of the flip side of that coin. You get so overwhelmed that you can’t see anything but the mess that lies in front of your own two feet.

Any stay at home parent who doesn’t claim to have those moments is not being 100% truthful. It is inevitable in the job. Stay at home Mom’s get a bad enough rap as it is and most won’t admit the hard days for fear that someone will seize upon those moments and say “I told you so.”

While I have those days or weeks where I am overwhelmed, exhausted and worn thin I still wouldn’t trade it for anything. Don’t think I haven’t pondered this point a million times over. When I started out being a Mother I doubted I could make it 6 months at home let alone 6.5 years!!!! Every single day for the past 6.5 years has been the same: feed the kids, play with the kids, and clean up messes. Yet, everyday I get up and do it willingly, that speaks volumes.

Every Wednesday I:
* get the kids dressed and ready for school
* comb and style 3 fussy girl’s hair
* pack lunches, including a snack pack for Paul
* drive Annie and Kimberly to school and drop them off
* most Wednesdays I pick up Abi from school to carpool to preschool
* drive to preschool, often with a stop through Starbucks to get my fuel for my busy day.
* drop off Mimi and Abi (if she is with us)
* run back to the van with Paul (yes, he loves to run back to the van)
* drive Paul to my Parent’s shop and drop him off
* drive back to Annie and Kimberly’s school to volunteer
* volunteer in a kindergarten classroom, fully remembering why I will never teach kindergarten
* drive to pick up Paul
* drive to preschool to get Mimi and Abi
* drive Abi home
* come home fix lunch for Mimi and Paul
* get ready for Daisy Scout meeting
* go back to school to lead the Daisy Troop
* bring Annie and Kimberly home
* take babysitter home
* kids play and I collapse on the couch
* make dinner
* eat dinner, coaxing Paul the entire time
* bathe kids
* give them dessert
* tuck them into bed
* collapse on couch and be thankful Wednesday only comes once a week

I really do love all the things on that list. It is just that all together they make for one very long day. Factor in the fact that Bill has been working major hours and isn’t home for most/if any of that and you have one exhausted Momma.

I was talking with a friend tonight and he and I were wondering what it would one day be like to look back on these days. I wanted to document what my Wednesday was like so that I could look back on it later. I can’t currently imagine a day when these 4 are teens sitting in their rooms, ignoring me, but it will come.

Each phase in parenting has been so different and unique (and I have only been in this for 6.5 years). It is amazing to me. I truly enjoy each one, but am thankful that everyday isn’t Wednesday.

Today was one of those times. For some reason they listen so much more to the doctor and heed the advice. It is totally worth the twenty dollar co-pay.

There are stages that pass and you miss them. I can’t say I will miss diapers, even for a moment. A huge grin comes to my face when thinking about how close we are.

Paul has been accident free for several days now. He is proficient at taking his underwear down and climbs up on the potty like a pro. My boy is growing up and I couldn’t be more happy!

I couldn’t believe it on the first game when the first 3 numbers set me up to win. I told Steph I would probably not hear that number this entire game. I was stunned when the next number out was was the number I needed. It was bound to happen sometime. It was only $100 jackpot but it was fun to win.

I loved the fact that the people held hands. You would see two grown men holding hands walking down a street or children holding hands as they walked home from wherever they were. They felt no shame in holding onto one another and announcing that they were friends. In America we can’t understand that, we think that if two adult men are holding hands that they are gay, our social norms don’t tell us they are just friends. I enjoyed seeing people holding hands as they walked. It gave a certain closeness that you just don’t see a lot of in America.

I loved how attentive people were to one another. They didn’t have their cell phones out during conversations and weren’t texting or checking email (or any other form of multimedia multi-tasking) they took that moment to be with that person. I miss that. I personally need to strive to do this more.

I loved how doting the older children were with the younger ones. Not just in the transition home or orphanage but on the streets. I saw them scooping up younger children and caring for them. American children are so much more self-oriented that they don’t even think to do this. I see my own children, who are compassionate, just saying sorry when they hurt each other and not caring more deeply. (Please don’t read that my children don’t care it is just they are busy. Watch American children and you will see what I mean, though you may not because you have no other frame of reference.) As Americans we teach them by our actions to be self interested, it is just the way it is.

It has been a year since I have been there and still I feel like I am completely processing the entire journey. I think I will be for a very long time. \

We went to each store that we needed to snagging up the purchases we desired. We had our traditional donuts and had fun driving around. There are always such interesting people out on the black Friday morning. We were all done with our shopping and heading home by 8:30.

I know a lot of people who purchase most everything online. While I can really appreciate the convenience of that I really wonder what kind of society we will one day become. We already have facebook, where people think they are connecting with people and what they really are doing is spending more time face to face with a computer than any actual person. (More on that rant later today I am going to focus on shopping. ) Aside from the lack of personal interaction, which I have heard many say is the best part about shopping online, you have the lack of sales tax going into your local area. You have shipping companies growing richer and more small businesses going out of business. And yet later, these same people who buy online will be upset when they can only buy things online.

People will in one hand complain about how Christmas is so commercial and it comes far too early, yet those same people are the people who announce to the world that they have their shopping for Christmas done before Thanksgiving. Perhaps Christmas comes early to them because they are busy buying everything early.

Others will say they won’t go out and buy things on black Friday but in reality they aren’t actually buying less they are just taking a stand on not buying on one certain day, as though retailers really care. I am sure they would rather you buy things on a different day when there aren’t so many deep discounts. Less money for you means more money for them.

For me black Friday shopping is a long held tradition and it allows me to buy things for my large family without paying too much. I started my Christmas shopping this morning at 3:40 and I am almost done. I spent the rest of the day with my family cleaning up the house and beginning to decorate. It was a wonderful day and I can’t wait to see their faces when they open the presents. Because while Christmas isn’t all about presents they certainly are nice.

*This is not directed at any particular person. These are just my personal feelings. I also have a long list of the black Friday shoppers that annoy me.

Life is an amazing journey. For some reason I always felt I would adopt. Even as a young girl I dreamed of it. Adoption is one of those times in life where you really feel God moving in your life. (You can feel free to substitute God with the universe/fate or whatever floats your boat. For me it is God but I know it isn’t for everyone.) It was like that seed was planted deep inside of me and would grow when the time was right.

For me the time was right when infertility seemed like a road of no hope. Learning that no matter how hard I tried and how much I wanted to have a child that it was most likely out of my realm was hard. At that moment that seed began to sprout and grow. It insisted that we tell everyone and anyone that we were looking to adopt. That if someone heard of anyone that they would tell us. From all the pain of infertility and loss came hope in the form of Kimberly. She was the miracle we had been searching so long to find.

Years later after seven hazardous pregnancies and two scary births we found adoption once more. This time it was a son from Ethiopia. He was the one we had been waiting on to complete this family.

There isn’t a way to put into words how much of an impact adoption has on my life. It is like trying to explain how my beating heart has made my life great. My heart has made my life amazing because by beating it has allowed me to live. Adoption has made my life amazing because adoption has been in it. I am so glad that my life has been touched by this miracle.

I have some dear friends, Rick, Christi and Bella who are looking to complete their family through the adoption of a child. Each journey is so unique and for them their journey has brought them to the moment where they are looking to adopt a child domestically. On the face of it domestic adoption can seem so easy, there are so many children without homes and so many families waiting for a child, but it isn’t that easy. You have to wait until you find the perfect match. Much like dating to find the perfect spouse for yourself this too is a long process.

If you know of anyone who is looking to place their child for adoption please consider passing along their website. Help be part of their miracle of adoption.

I know many who come to this blog are adoptive* parents themselves. Celebrate the joy of the miracle of adoption in your home tonight. Whether in the form of a tickle fest or a shared bowl of ice cream. Remember to hold your miracles tightly and give them an extra squeeze from me.

*Even if you are not an adoptive parent but just a parent of an amazing child who was brought to you in a different way other than adoption please follow the above suggestion for tonight’s activities.

Learning to handle the many moods and activities of life requires solitude.
Do not let the demands of an overly active world rob your children of their peace.
Constant stimulation without balance of quietness creates chaos.
The child who early befriends solitude becomes one with all that is and inherits everything.

First you must embrace solitude in your own life.
It is more difficult than you think.
Distractions are everywhere.
Even the mind is noisy.

Give your children time to play without agenda, to read without purpose, to daydream without limits, and discover without fear.
Allow yourself the same.

This excerpt is from the book The Parent’s Tao Te Ching by William Martin.

I have been too wrapped up in things lately. I need to calm my mind more. I feel like I have forgotten how to relax and that is sad. I am so very busy with the demands of wife, mother and friend that I don’t take time for just me. I need to model this far more. I want my children to know how to give themselves down time.

For me this doesn’t mean I need to go to the spa or go shopping by myself those are things that would be nice but wouldn’t bring me solitude my life lacks. In fact those things would just bring one more rush to the already rushed life.

What does it mean to me? A year after my initial post I am still feeling frazzled and I am preoccupied with matters that don’t matter. This tells me I have yet to learn this lesson.

Is it this time of year? Yes, and no. I think that this time of year brings a slew of hurried activities and makes me crazy but I think I am like this all year. It is hard to quiet the mind. The 12 days between Annie and Kimberly’s birthday always take their toll. They are some of the most wonderful times, celebrating my two oldest children, but they are chaotic and crazy there is no way around them.

Since the Girls have entered school I have noticed each of them feeling more like they need me to entertain them. They are already losing that wandering spirit that their childhoods afforded them. They too will one day battle the balance much like I am. Hopefully I will have finally figured it out and can help them.

. Where is your mobile phone? island
2. Your hair? fluffy
3. Your mother? sincere
4. Your father? funny
5. Your favourite food? italian
6. Your dream last night? none
7. Your favourite drink? Diet Coke
8. Your dream/goal? Whale Sharks
9. What room are you in? office
10. Your hobby? Quilting
11. Your fear? death of child
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? right here
13. Where were you last night? yes
14. Something that you aren’t? ugly
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. Wish list item? Paul to stop throwing tantrums
17. Where did you grow up? Phoenix
18. Last thing you did? Kissed Paul
19. What are you wearing? capris
20. Your TV? off
21. Your pet? smelly
22. Friends? of course
23. Your life? busy
24. Your mood? content
25. Missing someone? Bill
26. Vehicle? Vanni Van
27. Something you’re not wearing? watch
28. Your favourite store? not sure
29. Your favourite color? pink
30. When was the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? not sure
32. Your best friend? Steph
33. One place that I go to over and over? Girls Schools
34. One person who emails me regularly? Patty
35. Favourite place to eat? out

If you are reading this and have a blog, consider yourself tagged.

I have had a wonderful life—blessings abound me. I could never have imagined my life 10 or 20 years ago. Fact is it is better than I could have imagined. I am not unhappy about being older, it has made me more relaxed and honestly I am happier than I was 20 years ago, but still I have a hard time with growing old.

Bill taking me to New York City was absolutely perfect. I saw so many interesting people all aging and all dealing with it differently.

There were tons of people congregating in Times Square trying to hold on tightly to their youth. Partying far later and harder than they should. Dressing like a twenty year old and looking completely stupid while doing it. They were trying to use lingo that teens use and honestly it sounded ridiculous. In my opinion they were trying to hard to hold onto something that was long gone. Like keeping the bones of your favorite cat on the bookshelf because you can’t bear the thought of you being apart. It is uncomfortable and weird.

I won’t be celebrating the 6th anniversary of my 29th birthday or any subsequent anniversary. I don’t need to hold onto that. I am older, more mature, wiser and honestly I like who I am. Pretending that I would be something else doesn’t sit well with me.

Finding a way to balance those thoughts with the harsh reality that I am aging is hard. When I was walking around New York City (at least 5-10 miles a day) my body ached, my feet hurt, I got tired. 10 years ago I wouldn’t have tired so easily. Those are the facts that I have to face.

I am long past the point where I have a choice to dye my hair. If I choose not to I would have 30 percent or more grey. When you understand that I have almost black hair you understand that grey hair sticks out like a sore thumb all over my head. This summer I didn’t dye it because I was in the pool so often and I figured my hair was already going to have to deal with enough. I saw how widespread the grey had become and it was upsetting.

Looking ahead to my next 35 years I know they too will be amazing. They will be better than I can imagine them to be.

I mailed off my quilt partners quilt a while back and she posted that she liked it. I am so glad. I am not sure why but I was very nervous that she might not like it.

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is a Christmas themed quilt which will look fabulous on my walls from Thanksgiving day until after Christmas. She included lots of goodies too! 4 fat quarters,3 of Christmas fabric and one of birds, which I adore. Handmade Christmas greeting cards, a spool of ribbon with snowmen on it and a scrapbook with pages she pre-scrapped!

Hard to see in the picture above so here is a picture of the stars she quilted in the sky! I love this!

Thank you so much Solidia! I love everything and will treasure the quilt for years to come.

Basically, as far as I can tell, they are going green by reducing the pieces of paper used. *Insert me rolling my eyes as far back as possible!* First off they requested a ream of copier paper from each child enrolled on the supply lists to offset the cost of the paper. Then they are reducing the paper usage by not sending home as many notes. I am still waiting to see this happen, it seems to me like if they were serious about this I would only get one copy of papers from Kimberly and Annie’s class (they are in the same class).

I have a hard time deciding if they are just trying to look conservation oriented or if they are just lazy or what else the motivation could be. I figure it probably has a lot to do with seeming like they are making a difference or impact.

The paper that I donated was recycled copy paper. I didn’t even see any paper that wasn’t recycled at my local WalMart. Seems to me like paper really isn’t the big issue here. As you know, I don’t buy into all the hype over global warming and I don’t even recycle, since the materials are not even recycled. I do, however, try not to be wasteful.

Last week when I went to have lunch with the kids I was amazed at how much raw waste there was. The lunches are served on styrofoam trays, the children then follow the line and pick up their pizza which is in a laminated cardboard box or their corn dog which was in a tin foil wrap or the salad which is in a plastic container. They make a couple more steps to the salad bar and pic up fruit, pudding, or whatever else might be there that day, each in individual plastic cups. After they pay for the lunch they go over and get plastic forks, on a cart covered in plastic (I assume the plastic is down to make it easier for the lunch lady to clean up after the kids), all of which will be thrown out in a matter of minutes.

This made me steam. I have a very hard time with people who claim to be environmental and yet are so wasteful. Each day my children’s lunches are packed in plastic storage containers that I wash each day, they bring utensils from home when they need them. Why isn’t the school, who is claiming to go green, using reusable products?

I did a dry run today and my worst fears were confirmed. I have to start getting up at 6 am. I know most of you are probably laughing your pants off at this very moment over my idea that 6 is early but the past 5.5 years I have gotten into a steady routine of waking up at 7 or later. This is going to be a shock to my system.

Let’s just hope that the old saying “early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” pans out for me.

Fear not, I am still here, just busy. Remember when I was aghast at the idea that we were a big family? Of course that post was written the very day before we became a family of 6 instead of 5 but still, I was wrong. We are a big family and it is very time consuming to balance everyones stuff. It makes for one very busy Mommy!

In addition to just being busy I have been really trying to make a conscious effort to not spend a lot of time online in the presence of my children. I don’t think it is healthy for them and honestly that has made me re-evaluated my thinking on whether or not it is all that healthy for me.

I still love the online world and the friends I have made here, don’t get me wrong, but I certainly can continue that community in less hours a day.

I know I will be back into my posting routine again. In fact tonight I have several posts in mind that I haven’t had much time to sit down and get out.

I recently read an article out of Philadelphia that had a summer camp of children of non-white ethnicity kicked out.

This most recent case of discrimination in Philadelphia is particularly sinister because it involves banishing children. “I heard this lady, she was like, ‘Uh, what are all these black kids doing here?’ She’s like, ‘I’m scared they might do something to my child,’” said camper Dymire Baylor.

This is absolutely horrible. It is disgusting and it is disgraceful. I couldn’t agree more with the article.

What a terrible lesson to teach two children — one white and one black. The white child learns to fear those who are different from them. The black child learns there is something “wrong” and “dirty” about their very existence.

In the 7 months that my son has been home I have experienced plenty of racism. My kids have experienced racism by people who prefer Ethiopian children over white. My son has no idea but we are always stared at, people are always asking where he is from, and people are always showing their ignorance. I hope that the level of racism that my family has to experience stays on this level and that it doesn’t deteriorate into a situation like the one listed in the article. I highly doubt that this level headed Momma Bear could keep from telling these people how incredibly stupid they are.

It was PERFECT! Everyone clapped and I was so happy to not have to have a nervous breakdown! Woohooo!

You may remember that just shy of two months ago this feat caused me great emotional pain.