Today he was watching his tv and drawing on the dry erase marker board when he decided to draw off the board and onto my carpet! Thankfully I caught him quickly and he only had time to circle around twice.

I quickly turned to the internet on how to remove dry erase markers. I found multiple sources that said rubbing alcohol was the way to go. It did get the dark black lines off but you can definitely tell that someone drew circles right there. They are just more blended in. If you have any ideas on how to clean it please let me know.

Today during lunch Paul started singing the song to me over and over. It was so adorable. Thankfully the camera was nearby and he sang a bit while I had it on.

In this next video his noodles are singing to me. (Yes, he always eats soup like this, hence why my table is never ever clean.)

* Sorrry both videos are sideways. I always forget that you can’t rotate video.

The last time I pulled out puzzles he threw pieces, stacked the pieces like blocks, pretty much anything that didn’t have to do with building a puzzle he did with the pieces and the piece they go into. Today when I pulled them out he built them all and did it over and over again.

It was nice to see him finally doing things on his own. He was very skilled and he had picked up the labels for his shapes from normal day to day conversation.

One of the biggest changes is that I actually get about an hour a day all by myself. I haven’t had that kind of time to myself in a long time. I have always had one kid awake while the other is napping. Right now I am just using the time to rest and just enjoy the quiet. I know in time I will use this time much more productively. For right now I just want to be lazy.

The older Girls are adjusting to their new schedule and demands. Yesterday was gymnastics night and it proved to be a very long day. It even included a meltdown from Annie which is pretty much unheard of. Annie and Kimberly love their new teacher and are excited about learning.

Madeline is adjusting to Kindergarten. She is EXHAUSTED when she comes home. She has had many tantrums and outbursts this week, which I think are due to her exhaustion. She even yelled at her Grammy yesterday, something she never does. It is a hard adjustment. She really enjoys her alone time and she now has to figure out how to spend 6 hours a day surrounded by people and stimulation. (You would have thought our busy house would do that, but she goes off on her own and ignores us a lot.) She is excited for her learning and can’t wait to read chapter books. I told her she won’t learn this in Kindergarten but she says she will and honestly she is probably right. Mimi loves to push the envelope.

We are all trying to find our new normal. Soon, very soon we will be back to “normal”.

Paul says this all the time. He says I love you and then he says “I can’t believe you.” His amazement of the love he has for us amazes me.

The main reason for the correction is for educational purposes. Currently, given his birthdate and entrance date deadlines, Paul is only eligible for a 2 year old preschool class. While we aren’t looking to send him to preschool right now this is imporatant because it will be the same situation when he is 4 or 5. If we left things as they are he would struggle to fit into his peer group.

Now comes the hard part, chosing a day out of all the days for his birthday. Generally a child is born and that is just the day they are born on, no exception, no changes. In his case it was never known, so we search for the answer. There was the day that Paul last was in his birth mother’s arms . . . The day that he was taken into the orphanage . . . The day he was matched to us . . . Figuring this out is not easy.

The Doctor has agreed that he is 4 months older than he is currently. He believes that his birthday is August 9th, though he said we could choose any day after that. Do we go with the 9th even though it is 2 days after Bill’s birthday? If we are going to go with the 9th do we celebrate his birthday tomorrow? This is not an easy decision and I am so thankful that all my other children’s birthdates were known.

We are going to be submitting our request to the lawyers and court soon. We have to make a decision and find a perfect day for our little man.

Annie was at Grammy’s house spending the night and unfortunately the storm missed them. It has been typical monsoon weather ever since. I love the storms but cannot stand the humidity.

As I mentioned in the last post I didn’t know fully how good of a reader Madeline had become. If I had sat her down to read to me I would have given her a easy reader.

At the beginning of summer I had enrolled Paul in the Mommy&Me class. This week he dove off the diving board and swam to the side of the 13 feet deep pool! How did I not know that he was that mature.

While most parents are out there over exaggerating what their children are capable of here I sit downplaying it. I am always amazed by them.

That news was hard to take. We were really hoping for a definite yes or no..

At this point we know he is growing, and that he has been eating gluten while gaining weight. This genetic test tells us that he is at risk for ceilac disease, not that he has or doesn’t have it.

After speaking with the GI doctor we have decided to continue having him eat gluten. Go back in September to evaluate how well he is growing, and decide what to do from there. If he is growing well we will continue to have him eat gluten, there is no reason to restrict this if he is having no other side effects, other than failure to thrive, which the medication is fixing since he is growing.

We meet with the primary care doctor next week to discuss what we have found out. It will be interesting to get his take on this situation.

So for now it seems as though Paul is not a celiac. My heart is light with that information, but my head wonders how long this “diagnosis” will hold true. Sometimes medical professionals drive me batty!

When Stephanie first walked in she said, “wow, he has finally grown!” She is right Paul is finally growing at a steady rate. It is amazing and wonderful. He used to be the same height as Ezra and Noah, who are a year younger than him, but as you can see he is standing taller now.

We had a wonderful time hanging out with their family. I made some awesome fajitas on the grill and s’more brownies. It was a fun and delicious evening.

There is Annie, often off on her own but playing right by everyone. She wants to be the animal and goes in and out of the imaginary play that is going on. She wants the kids to respond to her from time to to but for the most part she is in her own world.

Then there is Kimberly. Her mouth is ALWAYS going, telling everyone what they should be doing. She is the director of the experience. She takes their interests and tells them what part they can play. The only time this goes awry is when Madeline tries to change the directors orders.

Madeline is Kimberly’s arch nemesis. She would love to be in control of the situation but to keep things harmonious there can only be one director. She is always there taking Kimberly’s orders, and interjecting her ideas when possible. She is in constant training for the day when Kimberly is not up to her duties.

Paul just follows along. He does what the girls want him to do. He will either come to hate controlling people or come to enjoy it. Currently he would much rather play with Kimberly or Mimi because they give him clear direction. With Annie he feels like he is not as involved.

It is interesting to watch this, to ponder who they may become or what all of this means. They are amazing kids.

Once there Bill set up our camp area and we started playing. Grammy brought a bag of toys and taught the kids how to play horseshoes. They all had fun. They spent a lot of time in the umbrella/windbreaker until the sun started shining.

Bill had wanted to body board the first day but he forgot the boards, but he remembered them today. He went out and tried his hand at it. He isn’t as young as he thinks he is . . . that is all I am going to say. Poor thing is pretty bumped up. Of course that didn’t keep him from going back again and again.

While Bill was out in the ocean he found a dead fish. It was huge but I knew the kids would want to see it. Bill pushed it out of the ocean with the boogie board. The seagulls were sure glad he fished it out of the ocean for them to eat.

Madeline wanted to try the boogie board but she soon got tired of it. She didn’t like how unstable it was. I thought it best for her to get out of the ocean anyhow.

We watched Bill for a while and then went up to the shade/wind shield of our umbrella. Kimberly opened up a cake shop inside and made each of us some special cakes.

We went back to the house and got all cleaned up, took a nap and got dressed for pictures. We were meeting our friend, the amazingly talented, Cindy Minear and have our photos taken at Huntington Beach. They came out gorgeous. You can see a sneak peak here. If you are ever in Orange County I would highly recommend her for photographs.

After pictures we headed home and got some much needed rest. Mom and I played cards for a while and Bill joined in on the last couple hands before we called it a night. It was a good, but cold day. Hoping tomorrow will be warmer.

With all our gear in hand we headed out. The beach was so nice and quiet when we arrived. I am sure most people were still sleeping in on a Sunday morning, but since Paul had woken us up at 6:45 we were ready to have fun. We set up our spot, got lotion on, set up the umbrella, and the kids started running around playing.

It wasn’t long until we took all the kids in the ocean to have fun.

Annie and Madeline cannot get enough of the ocean, no matter how many times they get bombarded with waves, they still want more. Paul still is very afraid of it and doesn’t want anything to do with it. Kimberly likes it but only getting wet up to her thighs, otherwise she enjoys the sand and frolicking along the shoreline.

Madeline asked me to make her into a mermaid, so I did. She remembered it from the July Vacation to San Diego, three years ago. Grammy helped pack the dirt and shape the fin. After Mimi Kimberly wanted to be done too!

Annie and Bill dug a little pool and Paul made sandcastles and destroyed them. Everyone was having fun. Then we started digging for mole crabs. Grammy and I were helping the kids dig and catch them before they burrowed back into the sand. I cannot post the pics of us digging for them because Bill was the photographer and he only took a couple of shots and they are of my Mother and I in bad positions. The kids had a great time doing this and we found a couple that were quite large. The kids had a fun time playing with them the rest of the day.

After the beach we went back to the house for lunch and to get showers. The Navy base was allowing people to go on the boat so we walked down to check it out. Unfortunately, by the time we got there they were no longer allowing people to go in. When walking back to the beach house we passed some trees and the kids couldn’t help but climb them.

Bill and I had planned one surprise for the Girls on this trip. Today was the day we decided to do it. We loaded everyone up in the van and headed up to Beverly Hills to go to the American Girl Store. They were so excited when we got there. Unfortunately Kimberly and Annie did not pack their dolls, but we had Bitty baby and Baby Paul along for the adventure.

Each girl got to pick out a special outfit from the store. It took them forever to walk around and around choosing the perfect outfit for their dolls. Once they finally made their selections we paid and they each got their own bag to carry home.

It was a fun day and we all had a great time.

The kids got themselves dressed, we got showered, and we headed out of town, stopping to pick up Grammy on the way.

Throughout the drive Annie, Kimberly and Madeline kept asking how many more hours it was going to take to get to the beach house. It took a lot longer than expected because of traffic and the large amount of bathroom breaks we had to take. But after 7 hours of traveling we arrived at the beach house and after unpacking and relaxing we headed off to an afternoon stroll at the beach.

We also went down the pier and scoped out Main Street.

This was Paul’s first time seeing a beach or the ocean up close. We had been to Washington with him last year but we didn’t go to a beach and we only took a boat on the water. He was pretty much afraid of the water, which is kind of nice since I would rather that than him having no fear of it. He loved running up and down the beach and stayed clear of the water.

When we were sitting watching the sunset he decided to try a bite of sand. I kinda thought we wouldn’t have that problem with him given his age and the first time he has seen sand but I guess every kid has to try it. I am just glad he wasn’t like Madeline who loved to eat sand so much it was like sitting her down at an all you can eat buffet.

Annie loved the beach as much as always. When we were watching the sunset she found a long piece of seaweed that she called her seaweed dog. She was dragging it all over the beach.

Madeline still loves to spend time with Bitty Baby. She packed up all Bitty’s stuff for the trip. When we were getting ready to go down to the beach she got Bitty dressed in her bathing suit and in the backpack carrier. She took Bitty out once we were down there and let her put her feet in the sand.

Today he started swim class and was doing well. Since it was the last day of the 2 week session the teacher lined them all up and walked them over to the slide. My heart jumped in my chest with the thought of Paul going down the slide alone. Thankfully the teacher was planning on holding him. She says they do that with all kids who don’t meet the height requirement.

I stood at the edge of the pool just watching him. He was so brave to climb such a high ladder and was ready for his turn. He started crying and the teacher picked him up. She waved down to me. I thought she was just waving because he had gotten afraid. This was not the case—Paul had gotten stung by a bee in his buns.

She carried my boy down the steps and brought him into the first aid room. They removed the stinger from his skin and bathing suit. They wanted to know if he was allergic, I told them I didn’t know. This was the first time Paul had been stung.

Thankfully it looks like he is not allergic. He is resting at home now and watching a little tv with a rice bag on his buns.

Looks like now we know that 5 out of 6 Browns are not allergic. Still don’t know about Bill and with his serious fear of bees we may never know.

We then met with the GI doctor who went over the results of all the testing. He said that it wasn’t a 100% diagnosis of celiac but he would like us to follow the diet. He said that everything shows it is most likely the problem. I was taken back by his words. When I spoke to him he said this was it, now he was saying he couldn’t definitively make that diagnosis. Here are the resons: 1st blood draw on a whole panel was negative for celiac, the biopsy results were 2 out of 3 indicators, and the last blood test for IGG was positive. He said if all three indicators had been there during the biopsy he would say it was 100% positive, but without that he could only say it was highly likely.

Celiac is a huge, life-altering diagnosis and not something to be taken lightly. I wanted to know if this was necessary for Paul. If this is necessary for Paul I have no problem following through on this lifestyle, but if it is a maybe I don’t feel so confident. I voiced my concerns to both medical professionals.

The nutritionist then began to cross examine the doctor and his diagnosis. He, like myself, didn’t think it was a prudent idea to live this way if not necessary. He was able to talk to the doctor and ask him questions regarding his weight, growth and gastritis. His professional opinion after all that the doctor said was that it was not a good idea to live this restrictive lifestyle unless we knew for sure Paul had this.

He then asked me if we had had the genetic testing done. I told him we hadn’t. He asked the doctor if it was possible to get that done. The doctor said that insurance companies rarely cover this first off but it can be covered if medically necessary. At this point we felt it was. So they sent us to have the blood draw and to decide if we wanted to live gluten free for the 2-3 weeks until the test came back or live with gluten.

The doctor felt that since it was possible that he could have celiac disease we should follow the course, though he would never give it a 100% diagnosis and he did agree that the weight gain could have been from the gastritis medication. The nutritionist felt that since there was not enough evidence to suggest that he had it, we should continue with normal diet. He said that even if he was a celiac two more weeks of eating gluten wouldn’t hurt him enough to warrant doing it just in case.

After much discussion and thought Bill and I have decided to go back to his normal diet. We will wait for the genetic test results and go from there. The genetic test has three result options: Yes he definitely has it, no he definitely doesn’t have it, and maybe he does maybe he doesn’t have it. We are hoping and praying that it is a clear yes or no answer. If it lands on maybe we will have to do gluten free just to be safe and retest him at a later date.

First and foremost I have lost my Father. Not a day goes by that I don’t shed a tear over this. Not a moment goes by that I don’t wish he wasn’t still here. My life is never going to be the same without him. Just recently I have moved into the angry phase of my grief. I want to know “why him.” Of all the people on the Earth why him? What am I supposed to learn from this? What is my Mother supposed to learn from this? How do we move forward without him? I don’t have the answer to those questions and I still grieve for him daily. I don’t think I will ever really get over it. In fact, I am pretty sure I never will.

The Gluten Free thing has me spiraling. Every time I turn around there is another thing we have always done that we cannot do. Breakfast out, drive thru ice cream cones, baking Christmas cookies with my children each year, learning to bake bread, and the list goes on and on. I am grieving over the loss of my normal life. There is no way for the rest of us to continue on eating gluten when Paul cannot have it (except in rare occasions). We all have had to adjust to becoming gluten free. The pancakes we had this morning were grainy and unlike the pancakes we had last week. These may seem like little things but they represent the loss of my normal life. I am sad, overwhelmed and feel very defeated by this diagnosis.

In addition to the food issues of the gluten free lifestyle there is another side to it. I don’t want to be that Mom. I am a very laid back person. I don’t like to interfere with my children. I don’t want to hover around Paul all the time to ensure that he is not eating gluten, yet that is what I have to do. We aren’t talking about an allergy where he just gets an upset tummy or has a little diarrhea. We are talking about an allergy where if he eats gluten he doesn’t grow. If he eats gluten it will take several days for his villi to recover and in those days he will absorb less nutrients. If he absorbs less nutrients he doesn’t grow. He hasn’t grown in a year, this example shows me how dire this transition is for us. I have to be the “in your face” kind of Mom that I can’t stand. I have to make sure my boy can grow and keep him gluten free.

I just want my normal life back. I know that I will move more into acceptance at some point but today I just want my Father to be alive and Paul to be growing without all these restrictions. I want my children to not be so accustomed to me crying that they don’t even ask or wonder why I am crying.

90% of the time I am upbeat about it all. I accept that things happen for a reason and that this is all part of my life plan to make me the person God wants me to be, but somedays I just get sad.