No referrals and the weeks just keep rolling by.

In case you are wondering it is sunny and hot out here.

Yep, as expected it is just about as interesting as our wait.

I am so glad to see her making her opinion known. Often Annie can be easy going, and while that is a great thing a lot of the time I worry about her. I worry for all the times she follows to easily.

Oh and a side note about the fish sticks. She also loves tuna. Go figure!

*Note to myself: Annie doesn’t like fish sticks, next time we have this dinner pop a couple chicken nuggets in for her. I normally do this for her but forgot today.

Uh oh. Somewhere along the way I have transfered my deep love of lists onto my daughter. She loves to make lists with me.

Unfortunately, Madeline (which she now pronounces Madelyn) caught the bug. And of course in her it became 10 times worse than it was with Annie. My poor girl. I am sure she has a weakened immune system, but as the doctor said once when I asked, he thinks so too but it wouldn’t matter either way because there is no way to fix it.

I am sure this is only the first of many germs to be brought home and passed around.

The adoption process isn’t all that long considering other programs, but we didn’t sign up for those other programs for that reason, among others. Of course we would wait forever to meet our son but who really wants to wait that long, or have that tested.

We saw some friends over the weekend and they asked, “are you okay to talk about it?” I let them know that while it is disappointing that things haven’t moved the way we anticipated we are okay. We know the perfect prince is being chosen to join our brood of princesses and we know that one day we will find him.

When talking to a different friend at the same function we were discussing how crazy it is that our oldest children are five years old. (Theirs turned 5 this weekend and ours turn 5 in 2 months.) He said something that really struck a chord with me, he said “yeah, but I can’t remember a time without him.” While I can remember a time without my children I know what he is saying. I can imagine how this year in limbo will not feel so long. I can imagine that once he is here and our family is complete we won’t feel this longing.

So here we are, one year later and not much has changed. We are still waiting to see the face of our son. We have done everything on our end to make it happen. We are still anticipatory for the moment it all happens.

Browse, shop and most of all enjoy.

I love my new hobby, I hope you do too!

Also I have a new blog to keep the progress of all my quilting and sewing posts. Since this blog was created for my children to understand their parents emotions along the way I feel like it would be better to keep most of the posts there. Course I will be sharing some here too.

I had no idea the whole “when I am a parent . . .” thing started so early, but trust me it is in full effect around here.

When I asked how old they would when she would allow this she said “probably 10, actually 12!” Maybe she will be a good parent after all.

In my opinion it is super gorgeous!!!!

I plan to be selling a replica of this on the grand opening of my etsy store September 1st.

When we got our wii we all made our Miis. For some unknown reason, other than the fact that Bill is just a curious person, Bill called his Mii “Hambone”. Kimberly is completely taken with the idea and calls Bill this often.

The rest of us have our Miis with our names aside from Aunt Steph, she is Spaz. If you have seen her play you would know why Bill gave her that name.

Last week when she went to preschool she missed the number of the day on Sesame Street. She wanted Bill and I to go home and watch the show and tell her what the number was when we picked her up. Like good parents we watched the show made up a number to tell her when we picked her up. When we told her she just filed the information away.

There are so many interesting things about Annie, and the other children. I often wonder what is going on in their minds. What does Annie need the number of the day for anyhow? Or is she tracking how often the run the same episodes of Sesame Street? Or is she just enjoying the simple thrill of something? I think it is the last one but sometimes it may be one of the other two.

*For anyone wondering today’s number of the day was 13 and the letter was “J.”

I would love to say that I hope it happens in August, but as the days trickle past that seems like a far reaching goal. Maybe by the end of September.

Praying that he will be home by Christmas.

The girls had a great day. Last night I made a checklist for them so that they knew all that had to be done before preschool. (Yeah, the teacher in me just can’t help but prepare them.) They worked on getting everything done. Kimberly was very systematic about it and went straight down the list and made, the more docile, Annie do the same. They were ready and just had to find shoes. Unfortunately Kimberly lost one of her running shoes and that stopped up everything and made everyone go into search mode. The shoe was never found and she had to go to school in her mary jane silver shoes. She was wanting the running shoes because at their preschool you have to have sneakers on if you want to go on the majority of the equipment outside. Kimberly was all tears but nothing was going to keep her down very long, she was on her way to preschool and nothing would dampen that mood.

They went into class and showed Dad and Mimi around. Then it was time for good bye and they did well. They didn’t forget to give me my good morning hug, in fact I got plenty of extras to hold me over. I got a little welled up when Annie told me she was going to be brave. We left with Mimi walking in the middle holding Bill and my hands. It was definitely weird, but good.

I made a keepsake video of the morning’s events. It was fun and turned out really cute. I know we will treasure this video. Please pay no attention to my morning voice in the beginning.

1st-day-of-preschool (better quality)

Mimi, not wanting to be left out of special days, decided that she wanted to pack her bag too and spend her time at work with Papa. Here she is when we dropped her off, she got her water bottle and bagel snack put in the fridge and got straight to “work.”

When we picked her up she was over sitting on the stool helping Papa unmold the ceramics. She enjoyed her time, although Papa mentioned that she missed us some and wondered what we were up to.

All in all it was a great and weird day. Leaving Mimi with my Father really made me realize how this little situation will change things so much. It was weird being with the other girls and not Mimi. I knew Mimi was having a great time and I wasn’t worried about her for a moment, it was just weird.

Tomorrow morning as Bill, Mimi and I walk out the doors after leaving Kimberly and Annie secure in their classroom I am sure it is going to be weird. Weird . . . wonderful . . . weird . . . great . . . weird . . . exciting . . . weird. Anyone who knows me knows that change is not my strong suit. I know we are ready for this change. I get choked up when I think about how exciting and wonderful this change will be for Annie and Kimmie, but it will be weird. No doubt about it change is weird.

*On a side note the preschool had play food and one of the play foods was injera! For those of you not familiar it is the flat bread that is the staple of Ehtiopian cuisine.

Everything went well all day. I was feeling good, morning sickness (which was all-day sickness for me) was still there and things seemed fine. I felt that same pang of uncertainty when I contemplated telling my class about my pregnancy. (I never showed until about 6 months because I never gained much weight.) I decided not to tell them and am thankful that I didn’t. At the end of the school day everything fell apart quickly, I was bleeding profusely and in shock and experiencing trauma. Even though the nurse assured me that this can happen sometimes, I just knew.

My good friend at school came in to help me. She drove me to the doctor’s office and even picked up my Mother along the way. I really appreciate her stepping in and helping me when my world was spinning every direction and I couldn’t bear the next moment. When we arrived at the Doctor Bill was there ready to take me in. We went in and heard the words that nobody ever wants to hear. Our baby was dead, there was nothing they could do. The image of her on the ultrasound machine without a heart beat is ingrained in my mind.

I really cannot explain how hard that day was for me or how much it is still an open wound in me. If I could show you my mind you could see it all in perfect detail. (How about survival instincts there, your mind clearly keeps the horrific stuff more vividly than the easy wonderful moments. Very amazing to me, but then I am a huge fan of the brain and am in constant awe of it.)

Today it is 6 years later. I still feel that huge ache each time this day comes around. This wound has the slightest membrane of a scar over it. Any mention of someone else in a similar situation and it starts to ooze again. I don’t think it will ever heal, it is just part of me. A wonderful, beautiful little part of me that I have to wait until I get to Heaven to see.

Happy Birthday to my perfect Elizabeth. I think of you often and long to hold you in my arms.

That’s right, it’s up to 23 weeks since we submitted to Ethiopia. I’ve got the cell phone charged and ready for any calls. Just so you know, Children’s Hope International.

“After decades of coddling young children, Johnson & Johnson unveiled its new ‘Nothing But Tears’ shampoo this week, an aggressive bath-time product the company says will help to prepare meek and fragile newborns for the real world.”
— “Johnson & Johnson Introduces ‘Nothing But Tears’ Shampoo To Toughen Up Newborns”