Today was the last day I picked up a child from Shadow Rock Preschool.

Today was the day I hugged two very important people in the Brown family history and tried to thank them for all they have done for our family.

This is it.

All our children began their educational careers through those doors. I walked out them today with my last preschooler in hand knowing these had been some of the best years.

I am a puddle.

Paul has grown so much this year. Not only physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. Just like the Girls he blossomed so much this year.

While I am sad to be over the preschool phase of our life I am so excited to see Paul mature.

Paul ready for the last day of school.

Paul on his first day.

What a change? My boy is growing up!

My sweet children made this pudding pie for me for Mother’s Day adorned with chocolate words and decorations. So sweet!

I have seen many ideas on Pinterest on making a list to make sure you get to all your ideas. I love this idea so I had to make one for myself.

Since I love making lists and crossing items off the list I printed off a copy of this onto card stock so that I have it to look at and plan during the summer. I printed a copy for Kimberly and Mimi as well since they like to cross items off lists too.

So many fun things to do in the world. What are you going to do this summer?

If she continues to grow at her current rate she will be 5’5″ as an adult. Making her taller than her mother.

She didn’t need any shots and that was what was most important to her.

Her juvenile scoliosis is still present. We had a x-ray done and there hasn’t been any increase in the curvature. We couldn’t be happier about that.

Unfortunately, Madeline is now old enough to understand some of what they are talking about. She cried all the way home from the doctor. Words like “why me” flew from her lips and my heart sank. She has gone through so much in her little life, she will continue to go through more. This isn’t the last time I will ever hear the “why me” lines coming from her.

She was very relieved when the doctor called the following day to say that everything was stable.

I know those feelings at the deepest part of my being. Infertility weighed heavily on my heart and even now, as a mother of 4 wonderful children, I can’t not think of the 5 who didn’t make it. Why her? Why me? Why us? Why all the others?

Learning to deal with this stress will help her in her life. Knowing that no matter what is thrown at her she will come out stronger will be an asset. From a very early age I knew she was strong—I just wonder how strong she will be at the end of her life.

I know it is petty but this sort of stuff steams me. I can’t help it, it is who I am.

My little Paul is actually a VERY literal person. If you say something you can’t be joking, sarcasm (which is my 1st language) doesn’t work with him and he uses it far more than I have noticed to process the world.

Paul always names him projects he makes at preschool Paul. I thought he just really liked his name. He has a tiny sock monkey that he sleeps with that he calls Baby Paul so it seemed to work.

One day on the ride home from preschool he was telling me all about the caterpillar he made that he name Paul. At first I thought I would just let it go but instead I asked why he named it that. He bluntly responded “Mom, the teacher writes PAUL on the bottom, that’s his name.”

Ummm ok, I think she writes his name on the bottom so that we can tell which project to take home, but in his literal mind she is naming the object. I couldn’t help but laugh at my silly man.

Birthday Girl with her vanilla cupcakes with vanilla frosting.

Her candy bar for the kids to pick from for their take home treat.

Mimi playing with her friends.

She had a great party!

Today Ms. Mimi turned 7!

She crawled into my bed at 4 or 5 am and whispered, “I’m 7.” I didn’t respond to her because it was far too early for anyone to be up, birthday or not. Though I did think it was super sweet.

After breakfast she opened up her presents from her siblings.

She loved all her gifts. It was then time to head off to school for the day. She had a great day and Mommy and Daddy stopped in with a happy meal for her lunch.

Directly after school we headed down to the mall to get Mimi’s ears pierced. She was so excited and worried at the same time. A picture of her ears before.

And after.

She chose gold balls and they look adorable on her. She has grown and matured so much in this past year. Piercing her ears made her look older immediately.

After the piercing she wanted to walk around the mall and do some window shopping. Grammy was with us and wanted to buy Mimi a new purse. Mimi helped Grammy pick out a nice yellow one.

Madeline, along with the other kids, had asked to ride the carousel. Since it was her birthday we did. She loved it.

She had cake at home with Mom and Dad.

And finished the day up building her Lego set Grammy bought her.

Madeline is such an amazing child. She is super independent but needs her Mommy dearly. I know that this year is going to be a year of growth.

Happy Birthday Mimi!

I didn’t shed a tear. I didn’t feel upset inside. Honestly it seemed very appropriate, to me, and I am excited for his growth.

The next day I took him to preschool. They were having preschool registration and I was overwhelmed with grief. I cried in the car upon leaving. I felt a lump in my throat as I thought about not returning to Shadow Rock. My journey there was coming to a close.

So much that as I was driving away I had the irrational thought that if we adopted again I could still come back there. The place where my children first became independent. The place where they grew and matured and learned what it was like to be on their own without me for 2.5 hours a day.

I am not ready for that journey to be over, but I am ready to start the next chapter. Now to somehow wrap my mind around those two conflicting concepts, that is going to be tricky!

“I don’t know, what.” ~ Mom

“Antidisestablishmentarianism.” ~ Kimberly with the biggest grin on her face

“That’s great. Why did you need to know that word.” ~ Mom

“Oh we were just supposed to find as many prefixes were in the word.” ~ Kimberly

“Ahh, okay that makes more sense.” ~ Mom

Meanwhile Annie, Mimi and Paul are still trying to repeat the word.

She certainly was proud of herself and I have to say it is kind of impressive. Way to go Kimmo!

Kimberly made sure each one of her eggs was well thought out and a masterpiece.

Annie, who loves dying eggs, somehow always manages to look incredibly bored while doing it.

Madeline had fun with it.

Paul hasn’t developed into a pattern with his egg dying. This year he was done with all twelve of his eggs in a minute or two, literally. When he sat down at the table he insisted that he have the blue dye. (No big surprise there, he loves blue.) He then proceeded to dunk an egg into the dye and moments later he took it out and set it on the tray to dry. He continued this pattern until all his eggs were done. Here is a picture of the proud man with his blue eggs.

It is amazing to me how each one of them creates their own vision. They are always so different. Nothing better in the world than a blank canvas in which to create.

I posted these on My Culinary Escapades. My very talented friend Nicole is doing the photographs for it. It is such a great journey for both of us. I hope this will encourage me to create more yummy foods and she hopes it will help her to hone her photography skills. That is what I like to call a win-win.

When I was a little older than Paul’s age (5 and in kindergarten), I spent reading time at the school library poring over everything they had in geology and astronomy. Every week I’d beg my mother to take me to the nearby public library where I had my own library card. When I was the older girls’ age (8), I got my first computer and was programming it in BASIC. At the age of nine, I was eagerly awaiting each year’s new almanac so I could compare it to the previous years and see what had changed. I did all of this with minimal parental involvement.

I can’t picture any of them doing any of that—not that I expect them to follow in my footsteps or live the life I have lived. (And especially not the life I wish I had lived; I hate that sort of vicariousness and refuse to push my interests on my kids.) Maybe I’m being a little too hands-off—maybe I need to expect more from them. There’s no reason why they can’t do more, be more, know more.

I’ve tried to inspire them with the wonders of our world. I’ve shown them how things work, how complicated some machines are, and how fascinating the natural universe is. They’ve soaked it up and seemed to really enjoy themselves. But no one ever did that for me; I did it for myself. Maybe that’s the difference: maybe they’re relying on me (or Sandi or school) to stimulate their curiosity or learning.

We have them read chapter books every night and perhaps it’s time to throw non-fiction into the mix.

They all had a great amount of fun trying to find eggs. Kimberly even got so excited that she ran on the couch.

Madeline found plenty of eggs inside and out.

Paul did a great job too.

Everyone was having fun, well perhaps not Annie and Kimberly when they had to wait a couple seconds to give Mimi and Paul a chance. And they definitely didn’t want me snapping a picture of them.

Annie and Kimberly finally got out and found their fair share.

Everyone ate plenty of their basket candy for breakfast. Making sure to follow my one rule – don’t eat too much junk that you throw up.

Bill dozed off for a bit just like he does every year.

My Easter cuties ready to go to Grammy’s house.

At Grammy’s house with all the other cousins.

The kids had an egg hunt, brunch and water gun fights with the cousins. Everyone came home exhausted.

It was a great Easter. My kids were so excited and inspired by the Easter Story. I love seeing them grow in faith and love.

DUH! Seriously are you actually asking me this question.

Actually it scares the living daylights out of me. How could it not?!?!

I don’t even understand why anyone would ask me this. Sometimes I wonder what the hell people are thinking.

He was a young man who was out walking and minding his own business and he was shot. His life was ended because he looked suspicious because he was born with black skin. That was it. That was all he did to look suspicious.

I would love to believe that this just happened somewhere else but I know similar things have happened right here in my neighborhood.

I walked into the elementary school my kids attend and went into the office to do some PTO business. While I was standing there a phone call came in from a concerned passerby. They were driving by the school at 11 am and there was a suspicious black boy hanging out in front of the school. At first I thought they were joking. I knew exactly who they were talking about.

That day the high school had a delayed start so the high school students were waiting for the school bus to come. There was only one student out there. He was a student I knew from when I taught, I talk to him all the time, in fact I talked to him that day. He was standing around waiting for the school bus.

So that you understand that this was purely because of his race I will let you know that there was a white girl sitting farther down the street playing on her phone at the other bus stop. She was hanging around and nobody was concerned. Nobody called in to alert the school that she was milling around outside.

Why? I think we all know the answer.

I live in a fairly racially diverse area and yet a person still made a judgement. It made me ill. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. To have to come to that students defense was appalling to me.

So yes, I am terrified to know that my son will be judged and treated differently. People will be afraid of him. Sweet little Paulie.

Each year in the kid’s school they retest them in areas of giftedness that they have not yet qualified in. (There are 3 areas.) Generally kids do better in later years and kids who were close the year before often qualify the next year. This year when one of the Girls took the test their scores went way down. I mean, waaay down, like almost in the average range?!?!? Bill joked that she was losing her giftedness, which isn’t possibe, but he knows the real reason.

She has become complacent. School is too easy for her and requires so little of her effort that she just doesn’t give it. How do I know these things? Becuase that is exactly how I was. I never studied for a test, not even in college. I never started writing a paper until it was almost due and I never gave academics the full attention they deserved.

So who am I to sit on my pedestal and tell my daughter that she should do things differently than I did.

Yet, that is what I did this weekend.

Was it right of me to do it?

I don’t know. Either way the facts is this: She is pissing away her talents.

Maybe I should get this book for both of us.

I love when I have no idea they are doing something and then I stumble apon something so creative. They are amazing kids!

In person the only way you could tell any difference was that the one meatball was off to the side a little, again I didn’t want it to melt.

The kids had mixed feelings about it. Madeline was the first to discover it and was upset that her meatball was frozen. That certainly would have been funny too but I didn’t do that. Annie started crying upon hearing Madeline figure out it was chocolate because she loves meatballs and thought I ONLY gave her chocolate ones. Once they got over those moments they were all laughing and enjoying the prank. I overheard Annie telling her friends about it at school this morning.

She got dressed and ready to roll with her sisters shades on as we left with the top down to enjoy the great weather.

We made leis, played with bubbles, ate lunch, played ring toss, made a picture frame and hung out with good friends. It was a nice afternoon and the weather was great.

Mimi even learned a hula dance! It was quite fun.

I know they don’t like it when I snap pictures of them when they sleep but sleeping children are one of the sweetest things going. Seriously. Mimi fell asleep with her book on the other side of her bed which leads me to believe that either she kicked it away after falling asleep or she set it down to simply rest her eyes for a moment and didn’t wake up to continue reading.

This is certainly a first that I know we will see time and time again!